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Alright, let me tell you about this… this egg thingy, yeah, egg tartar. My old man, he used to say, “If it ain’t got eggs, it ain’t breakfast.” But this ain’t no breakfast I ever seen.
First off, they got this… steak tartar. Now, I ain’t never eaten nothin’ raw in my life, ‘cept maybe a carrot fresh outta the garden. But these fancy folks, they grind up beef, all raw and bloody, and call it steak tartar. Sounds like somethin’ a dog would eat, if you ask me. They mix it up with onions and peppers and whatnot, all chopped up fine. And then, get this, they slap a raw egg yolk right on top! Raw egg, I tell ya! Makes my stomach turn just thinkin’ about it. But them city folks, they eat it up like it’s the best thing since sliced bread.
Then there’s this other egg tartar, the sweet kind. Now, this one I can kinda get behind, though it still ain’t like nothin’ I ever made. It’s got a crust, like a little pie, and then some kinda yellow custard stuff in the middle. They say it’s got eggs in it too, and sugar and milk and all that. I guess that’s where the “egg” part comes in. My neighbor, she tried makin’ it once. Burned the bottom somethin’ awful. Smelled like a tire fire for a week.
- It’s real tricky, you see, gettin’ that custard right. Gotta be all smooth and jiggly, not too runny, not too stiff. Like a baby’s bottom, I guess, if you wanna get real descriptive about it.
- And the crust, that’s gotta be flaky and crisp. Not like them store-bought pie crusts, all cardboardy and tasteless. Gotta use real butter, they say. Butter’s expensive though. Back in my day, we used lard, and we liked it!
Now, they say this cream of tartar stuff is what makes the egg whites all fluffy. I ain’t never used it myself. When I whip up eggs for a meringue, I just use a little bit of sugar and elbow grease. But these fancy bakers, they use this cream of tartar. Says it makes the egg whites all stable and whatnot. I guess it’s like puttin’ up fence posts. Gotta have somethin’ to hold ’em steady, right?
I saw this lady on the TV the other day, makin’ some kinda fancy egg tartar toast. Called it a tartine, like that makes it any different. She put that raw steak stuff on toast, with the egg yolk and all. Lord have mercy! Said it was French. Well, them French folks can have it, as far as I’m concerned. Give me a good ol’ grilled cheese sandwich any day.
So, this egg tartar thing, it’s got two faces, you see? One’s all raw and meaty, and the other’s sweet and custardy. I reckon it just depends on what you’re in the mood for. Me? I’ll stick to my scrambled eggs and bacon, thank you very much. But if you’re feelin’ adventurous, go ahead and try that egg tartar. Just don’t come cryin’ to me if you don’t like it. And for goodness sake, cook that beef! Raw meat ain’t nothin’ but trouble, I tell ya. You’ll be runnin’ to the outhouse faster than a scalded dog.
And that cream of tartar, well, if you’re fancy enough to use it, go right ahead. But a good strong arm and a whisk will do the trick just fine, if you ask me. These young folks today, they got all these gadgets and powders. Makes me wonder how we ever survived without ’em. But we did, and we ate good, too. Maybe not fancy, but good and hearty. That’s what matters, ain’t it?
So that’s the story on egg tartars, as best as I can tell ya. Take it or leave it. It ain’t rocket science, just eggs and stuff. But folks sure do get worked up about it, don’t they? Maybe it’s the name, all fancy and French-sounding. Or maybe it’s just that people like eggs. I dunno. All I know is, I’m gettin’ hungry just talkin’ about it. Time to go fry up some eggs, I reckon. The old-fashioned way, of course.
Tags: Egg Tartar, Steak Tartare, Cream of Tartar, Custard, French Cuisine, Baking, Cooking, Recipe, Food, Eggs
